Joyce Helen Winkler - Online Memorial Website

Hi Mom! I know your spirit came to visit me last night.  I guess you are a door opening spirit because last night, in the middle of the night for no reason my bedroom door opened all by itself.  It was completely shut and for no reason it opened up.  I was sleeping in the spare room b/c Bry is sick coughing all night and I kept hearing this knocking noise.  I thought it was the heat.  So then I got up and for some reason I opened my bedroom door and looked out, but didn't see anything, so then I shut the door and went back to bed, a few minutes later you opened the door back up, like you had been waiting for me to open it and then got fed up and did it yourself.  I know you were with me.  Thank you for visiting.  I miss you so much.  I wish I could see you again, I wish I could hear your voice again.  Sometimes I can't remember what your voice sounded like and it really bothers me.  Feel free to visit anytime, I'm not scared.  Well maybe if you show up in person I'd be scared, but you know what I mean. lol.  Every time I hear a Christmas song I think of you. Everytime I hear a 50 Cent song I think of you - ha ha.  I think of you every day all the time.  I wish I had more time with you. 

 

Love Beth

Joyce, In the last two months things have changed…they have changed a lot, as you know. I am now happier than I have ever been, and for that I am forever grateful. Things may not turn out the way I want them to, but for now I am going to ride this wave of life and think of you and how you made me feel (excepted). I know you are maybe a little confused about what you have done but there are a few people that understand where I am coming from. I just want to thank you for raising Beth and Brandon the way you did. They have both come to realize that life is worth living and that they need to do what makes them happy! That is something they learned from you. Thank you for sending me happiness and I promise I will never let you down. Thank you for this chance at life!!!! Bumble Bee

Mom,

 

I just bought very expensive tickets to JOhn Edward's show, so you better have something to say to me!!!  LOL, i know it might not happen, but it would be really awesome if you did come through him to give me a message.  December 14, at 7:30 PM, The North Fork Theater, come find us!!!  My heart aches for you. 

 

Love,

 your favorite daughter

Hi Mom,

 

Happy Thanksgiving.  It's never the same without you here.  I guess nothing is.  I keep doing the things that you and I would have done together, baking, and listening to Christmas music.  Watching Christmas movies and trying to get that homey feeling again.  Bryan keeps saying we need kids so I can live vicariously through them and enjoy the holiday the way I did when I was a child.  You made the holidays such a special time for us.  Those are some of my happiest memories of all time.  Decorating the tree, shopping, making ornaments, and baking cookies together.  It was a real gift you had, the way you made the holidays feel so good.  I watched a movie a week ago and at the end they played silent night while they showed families opening presents.  It made me cry thinking of how much fun we used to have.  Brandon and I would sing silent night in sign language and that always made you cry.  I feel really happy again though now that the craziness is over.  I feel less sad, and a lot less anxious.  I saw your family this weekend.  Grandma is doing well.  Pop Pop is going to be 80 soon! I can't believe it.  Everyone misses you a lot.  I've been watching John Edward and he believes that the dead are very much a part of our lives only they can't communicate with us the way we communicate.  I want to go to his show and see if you will speak to him for me.  That would be so amazing.  We sold the house finally so that is all over with thank goodness.  Bryan still wants to move back to PA and we probably will in a year or so.  Maybe sooner.  Brandon was here for Thanksgiving. It was so great to spend some time with him.  Things are going really well and we are happy.  I just wish you were here to see it.  I love you, stay with me always and try to communicate with me anyway you can.  I will keep looking for signs. 

 

Until later,

 

Love Beth

Okay, so Im pretty sure Joyce was up in Vermont with us this weekend.  As soon as I went in the house, a song came on the radio that always made me cry after she died.  Then there was a show on TV and the woman died of a pulmonary embolisum.  Next, as we were watching the show, I turned to Carol to tell her about hearing the song, and just then the front door of the house forcefully blew WIDE OPEN.  Granted, people had been going in and out all night, but it was the exact moment I mentioned her name that it flew open.  Carol and I looked at each other, then Carol was like, so come on in Joy, have a seat.  A little while later, the door to the basement  flew open.  I think she was leaving, cause that was the last thing that happened.

The strangest thing happened the other night.  I was in bed around 10:30. The TV was still on, but I was dozing.  Dustin knocked on my door.  He came in my room, and he was shaking and crying.  I thought maybe he had an accident or something.  He sat on the edge of my bed and just started talking about Joyce, and how sad it was that she was gone. He said he drove past her house and remembered the last time we were there.  He went with me to pick up a coffe table, and it was the last thing left in the house.  He was waiting in the truck for me, but I didn't come out, so he went in to look for me. I was standing at the bottom of the stairs crying, I knew I would never be back there again.  Dustin just stood there with me, holding me while I cried.  It's so weird, but It took him two years to cry, and really realize that she's gone.  We are going to Vermont this weekend.  I think its going to rain, but I hope I'll have a few photo opportunities. I have some pictures she took in Vermont, hanging on my wall.  I know I'll be thinking of her this weekend, as I do everyday. I miss you Joy.

Hi Mom,

 

Well we did it!  It was truly the most amazing weekend of my life.  It was really hard walking down the aisle w/o you there, but I felt you with me.  I felt you on my other arm as I walked down the stairs w/o worrying about falling, b/c you were there to hold me up if I missed a step!  I was crying the whole way down the aisle but it was magical, the whole thing was a dream come true.  I know you saw how beautiful it was.  Bryan and I both cried through out the ceremony, especially when we acknowledged your presence.  It was tough, but we did it.  He was so cute, trying to hold back tears throughout the whole ceremony.  both of us were.  We are going to have such a happy marriage and it's already started out perfect.  Our honeymoon was so much fun.  We kept saying how much you would've loved to go to Europe.  The picture opportunities were endless. Everytime I snapped a pic I thought of you there with me, pointing out the good shots.  They didn't come out nearly as good as yours would have, but they'll have to do!  We made some friends on the trip and we just had so much fun relaxing and enjoying the sun and ocean. We went to Morocco one day which is in Africa, it was a long day but definitely worth it to see their culture.  It was a little scary but in an exhilarting way.  We seriously had so much fun I can't even write it all.  Bryan was a great travel partner, he did all the things I wanted to do and was patient when i stopped to take a million pictures of doors.  Now I'm back in Long Island and back to work.  It's October so maybe this weekend we'll go pick pumpkins.  I remember all the years you would take me and Bran to pick pumpkins and then we would carve them andyou would roast the pumpkin seeds.  It was something we always looked forward to.  I remember when you would take us apple picking too and we would climb in the trees and then we'd have so many apples at home we didn't know what to do with them all.  You made applesauce and apple pie.  yum.  Well, that's all I have time to write for now.  I love you.

 

Love Always,

Beth

That a girl Beth, I knew you could pull yourself together.  Everything you just wrote about Bryan, remember it always.  All those wonderful qualities are so important in a good marriage.  You know, I hardly knew Uncle Tim when we got married, but he had many of those same qualities, and everything just grew from there.  When you find the right man, it is truely a blessing.  I know your mom would be so happy for you.  I have been thinking about her so much lately.  I wonder a lot of the same things you do. I wonder what would she have wore, how would she have her hair, what kind of shoes......  I can see her dancing in my mind right now. Dancing and laughing!

Mom,

 

I really think that you and God decided to send Bryan to me.  He truly is an amazing person and I thank you and God everyday for pointing him in my direction.  Even with everything I went through last week he was there for me, and I love him so much for that.  I just want you to know that I see so many of your qualities in him.  He even says things like you sometimes. For Easter, he coicidentally bought the perfume you used to wear from Victoria's secret for me.  He had no idea it was the perfume you wore all the time.  I just want you to know that I have  found a special person to share my life with.  Aunt Linda told me the other night that you used to say to her "I just want Beth to be happy" b/c you knew I was in a bad relationship with my ex, and you know what Mom, I am happy w/ Bry.  We can just hang out and watch TV and be content, or we will go do fun things together.  We do things that you and I used to do together. He'll go anywhere with me, even for silly things that I come up with like a mall parking lot carnival.   It makes me happy that I have someone who will do these things with me.  Remember how I had such trust issues w/ guys in the past? Well they're gone!  I never thought I would trust a man after what I went through but it happened.  I trust Bryan more than I trust anyone in this world.  I always thought before I met him that if I had a husband who went on business trips i would be nervous he would cheat on me, but I dont' feel that way at all w/ Bryan.  I'm so thankful that I don't have to worry about that stuff anymore.  You and I used to talk about that all the time.  I had such a low opinion about men, but I want you to know, I don't feel that way at all now.  Isn't that amazing?  I never thought it would happen. Mom, please give me some of your strength to not cry the entire way through the wedding ceremony.  A little is ok, but I need to be able to speak!!!   

 

I love you!

 

Beth

Dear Mom,

 

I want you to know I"m feeling much better this week.  I know you wouldn't want me to be sad at this time in my life so I'm facing the harsh reality that you aren't here and I'm trying my damndest to just accept it and accept my feelings and allow my feelings to pass through me.  I know it's ok to grieve, that's what I need to do in order to heal properly and I think it's helping.  What a difference a weekend visiting family can do.  I am sure you know that already though.  I'm really excited for this weekend, I think it will be really great.  You won't believe what I did Sat. I went and bought a completetly different wedding dress than the one I planned on wearing.  I didn't like how it fit me after the alterations were done, they kept telling me it would fit me right but it didn't. it was too big. so I left there, and went to a different store and bought a new dress!  it's gorgeous and I"m so much happier about it.  Nothing like a bride with two wedding gowns... should I wear one to the rehearsal? just kidding.  Well, I'll be thinking of you over this special week, as I always do.  I will feel your presence with me that day, and I will miss you , but you won't want me to be sad.  You would be really mad if you knew I was sad.  Why am I so sensitive? You were so thick skinned, nothing bothered you. Can you spread a little of that my way lady?  I love you.  Talk to you soon.

 

Love Beth